The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
