so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
