I hope mine doesn't look like that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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