I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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