You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
