Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
