weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize