Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
