his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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