I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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