just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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