why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
