my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
