I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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