I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
