I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
