Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
