Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
