i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
