i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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