my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just pee around me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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