You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
