I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
