We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
