You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Houston, we have a blender
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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