I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
