Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
