Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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