Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
