I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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