Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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