my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
