I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
