Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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