I heard we made out
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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