So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
