just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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