My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
