So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
