Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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