Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
