just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
