Sry I called you an 8
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
