Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
