so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
