It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
