shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize