Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
