It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
