You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize