4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
