yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i will never coherently bang her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
