you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
