Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize