Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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