escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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