More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
