I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
