how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
