Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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