FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
