what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
