I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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