She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
