In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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