so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
