I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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