Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
