I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
