thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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