No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
