i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
