I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if only i could text you this smell
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
